The Alternate Sheldon Transportation
by kumikokat
Summary: When Sheldon's matter transporter experiment goes horribly wrong, he is catapulted into an alternate universe where everything is the same, except Penny is pregnant and there are plans for a time machine in his bedroom. Quite literally AU.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own the big bang theory. In the world of emoticons, I am colon opening bracket : ( **

_Hey! So it's been a while since I wrote any fanfiction but this idea struck me today and I just had to write it down. This prologue is exceedingly far-fetched, but please bear with me because the next chapters will be better, and more realistic, and more in-character, even if they are, quite literally, alternate universe. _

Prologue

He comes home from work on Tuesday night exhausted. It's been a long day, fraught with contradictory ideas and mistakes in his working. Normally, the beautiful mind of Sheldon Cooper doesn't get tired, but today...

He drops his messenger bag on his desk chair. Leonard's gone to get dinner and he's glad to have the apartment to himself. Peace and quiet. Yes. He sits down in his spot, sinking into the chair with a kind of grateful ease. But the pleasant feeling doesn't last long. The Project is niggling at the back of his mind. He just _has_ _to_ work on it. It's too important just to leave lying there, hidden at the bottom of his wardrobe.

He gets up and, with a furtive, paranoid glance around the room, he hurries to his bedroom and unearths the mass of metal, plastic and wires that comprise The Project. It's a matter transporter. A real one. Alright, it's small and not quite finished, and it will only be able to transport small inanimate objects or simple life forms like, say, an ant when it's done, but the scientific ramifications are astonishing...if it works.

He has thought about bringing Howard in on The Project. He may always say that engineering is "the slow younger brother of physics", but he will privately admit that Howard has a steadier hand and a better way with a screwdriver than he does himself. He finally decided not to though – The Project has to be kept a secret. He's seen enough Sci-fi movies to know that it's the kind of technology people would, quite literally, kill for.

A few fine tunings here and there and it should be ready for its first test. He slides his old toolbox out from under his bed and removes a pair of pliers. Battling with the lengths of wires, he succeeds finally in connecting the final length, securing it with his partially-rusted old screwdriver. With the USB cable he installed, he connects the device to the computer and checks the code, adding a few more safety cut-outs to the many pages of high-level language. Sheldon smiles a little – he thought he was passed experimenting in his bedroom, but there you go. He's a better scientist now, smarter, more experienced – he's confident he won't kill any hamsters with this one. Another half hour of work, tops, and this thing will be finished. He estimates that Leonard won't be home for another forty-five minutes, giving him plenty of time to check over his calculations and his code before actually testing the thing out.

Exactly forty-five minutes of tense, quick, tired work later, Sheldon hears the door open and close. A set of keys are thrown into the key bowl with a _clink_.

"Sheldon? I've got food!"

"I'll be there in a minute!" Sheldon calls back, holding up the small-but-magnificent mass of shining metal. It's finished. He's _got _to test it. _Now_. He stands up and, trying and failing at assuming a nonchalant demeanour, goes out into the hall and stops himself from running to the kitchen. Leonard is standing there, unpacking burning food in polystyrene boxes from a brown paper bag.

"Oh, there you are," the short physicist smiles, "that's yours there." He points at one of the boxes. Sheldon is about to quiz him on his order, to check he got it right, but remembers the other, and far more important, matter at hand.

"I'll eat in a moment," he says calmly, "I just need to...get something from my bedroom."

"Ok," Leonard raises an eyebrow at his roommate, but he's used to Sheldon's quirks, eccentricities and general oddball-ness, and doesn't pursue the matter. What he _does_ find strange, even for Sheldon, is when the taller man lifts an orange from the fruit bowl and carries it away with him.

Back in his bedroom, Sheldon wedges the orange between two metal tubes and closes the spherical construction with a clang, locking it closed with a series of clasps. He types a few commands through his laptop, and then disconnects the two machines. It will begin the moment he presses the button on the sphere's surface...

This is it. This is his destiny.

He presses the button, and jumps backwards for safety.

Nothing happens.

He waits a while. Still, the sphere sits, immobile. It's not steaming, it's not emitting loud bangs, it hasn't caught on fire, and it hasn't exploded. In fact, it doesn't seem to have done anything at all. Could it really have happened? Could he really have transported the orange?

The problem with the transporter is that Sheldon doesn't know where the transported objects _go_. He just has to open the sphere and see, however unthinkable it is, if the orange has gone. Cautiously, he steps towards the sphere, and reaches out long, spiderlike fingers to touch it...

"Sheldon?" Leonard calls from the kitchen, impatiently. He's been in that room a long time. Leonard hopes he's not going to send out another robotic representation of himself. "_Sheldon_!" He calls again. There's no reply. With a sigh, he puts down his food and heads down the corridor. "The food's going to get cold!" He says, opening the door, but...but there's no one there. Sheldon isn't in his room – there's only a small metal sphere in the middle of his bed, his open laptop with a mysterious program running, and a pile of clothes on the carpet.

He nHe has


	2. One

**Disclaimer: I do not own the big bang theory. In the world of emoticons, I am colon opening bracket : ( **

One

The sound is roaring, deafening. Sheldon is spun and twisted for only a nanosecond, but it feels like a lifetime. He's going through an inconceivable vortex that he cannot touch or smell or see; he cannot even sense it, he just _knows_ that it's there. He's being pulled and pushed and compressed all at the same time, and he dimly thinks he's probably moving in dimensions he couldn't even imagine.

It's over as soon as it begins, and he's sprawled, naked, on his bedroom floor. The first thing he notices is that both the sphere and his open laptop are gone. The second, that Leonard is calling him insistently from the kitchen. He gets, a tad unsteadily, to his feet and pulls some clothes out of his wardrobe at random. He dresses quickly, and then all but runs into the living room.

"Leonard! Something very odd just-,"

"There you are!" Leonard says, looking confused. "You were sitting right _there_," he points emphatically to Sheldon's spot, "and when I turned round, you were just gone. Hey, were you wearing those clothes before?"

Sheldon doesn't know what to do. For the first time in his life, he is completely and utterly confused. He doesn't answer Leonard and moves slowly to his spot. There is a puddle of clothes on the floor which Leonard must not have noticed yet. When his roommate's back is turned, Sheldon picks them up and hides them under the cushion of his spot. It makes sitting there almost unbearable, but he does. He doesn't want to arouse Leonard's suspicion. He has to organise his thoughts.

He was definitely in his bedroom when he tested the matter transporter. He remembers touching it, and then experiencing some kind of surreal, out-of-body experience before finding himself on his bedroom floor, his clothes gone, the matter transporter gone and his laptop gone. He glances across the room. The laptop is sitting in its usual place on his desk. His clothes seem to have moved into the living room. Does that mean he transported his clothes and the laptop, but not himself? But how can that be possible, when neither his clothes nor the laptop were actually touching the transporter? And where has the transporter itself gone? This...this is too strange. His calculations were fine. His code was fine. The construction was fine. What went wrong?

Sheldon doesn't like being this confused.

"I invited Penny over to eat, but she says she's trying to cut back on take-out," Leonard is saying, bringing the Thai food, now on white plates, over to the coffee table, "in her condition, I mean."

"Her condition?" Sheldon's brow furrows.

"Yeah." Leonard stares at him for a moment. "You know, her being pregnant?"

"Penny isn't pregnant, Leonard." Sheldon says matter-of-factly.

"Yes she is," Leonard frowns, "She told us a week ago."

"I would remember something like that Leonard," Sheldon snaps, trying to think.

"Well, yeah," Leonard agrees, "you'd think. You did react a little more…violently than we expected you to."

"No, I didn't," Sheldon insists. Leonard can see that this conversation is going nowhere. He tries to talk to his roommate about work, about Doctor Who, about anything, but all he gets in response is monosyllabic words and sometimes no words at all. Leonard has never seen the taller man as preoccupied as this. It's a testament to how out of it he is when he doesn't even notice Leonard settling down to watch Saturn 3.

In fact, Sheldon does notice. He doesn't mind, though, he's too busy thinking. Something very, _very_ strange is going on. He thinks about his situation all through dinner and while he's getting ready for bed. He checks the bottom of his wardrobe, but the matter transporter isn't there – only a few notebooks filled with hastily scribbled notes and calculations. There's no time to check through them now, though. There are more important matters to be addressed.

In bed, Sheldon lies and stares at his ceiling for hours. When his alarm goes off (reassuringly) at the usual time, he has decided that one of four things has happened.

"Leonard," he announces, entering the kitchen wearing the expression of a man who has just solved world hunger, "I have travelled forward in time."

"_What_?" Leonard looks up from his cereal. This is it. Sheldon has finally lost it.

"Yes. I am from the past."

"No you're _not_," Leonard insists, hoping it's one of Sheldon's weird "bazinga" jokes.

"What is today's date, Leonard?"

"The sixteenth of November, twenty-ten," Leonard says, incredulously.

"Oh. Then I haven't travelled forward in time," Sheldon shrugs, sitting down in his spot and staring fixedly at Leonard, "that leaves only three possible conclusions. Either I am dead, having some kind of coma dream, or I've stumbled into a parallel universe."

Leonard just stares.

XXX

"No, I'm _not_ kidding, he thinks he's from a parallel universe," Leonard shifts the grocery bags around but it doesn't make carrying them any easier, "well, I don't know. He didn't seem to remember Penny being pregnant – yeah, well, what am I supposed to do? Maybe the mother ship finally came back to retrieve his brain and implant it in a robot." He's got the cell phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder, his arms full of brown paper bags, so opening the apartment door is a tricky affair. He finally resorts to knocking on it with his elbow. The door flies open to reveal an eager, odd-looking Sheldon. Leonard recognises the look. It's the breakthrough look. "I'll call you back," he says into the phone, before dumping the bags on the counter island and hanging up.

"Look at this Leonard." Sheldon runs, deer-like, to his board and erases the calculations from one corner. Leonard has never seen the board so full. His eyes scan the equations but he can't follow the math – he doesn't know what Sheldon is trying to prove.

"I've figured it out," Sheldon is saying excitedly, picking up a black marker, "look. Let's say I come from universe Alpha," he draws a small box with a stick figure inside it to represent himself, and picks up a red marker, "and there is normally another Sheldon living in universe Beta," he draws a red box with a red stick figure inside it, "I think, when my transported malfunctioned, myself and Sheldon Beta switched places," he rubs out both stick figures and draws a red figure in the black box and a black figure in the red box, "meaning Sheldon Beta is now in universe Alpha, and I, Sheldon Alpha, am in universe Beta."

"Why do we have to be universe Beta?"

"Leonard!" Sheldon is becoming impatient. "Don't you see what kind of staggering implication this brings to the entire field of physics? Your mind clearly cannot yet comprehend what this means-,"

"Sheldon, of course I understand what proof of alternate universes would mean for science, but you don't have proof!" Leonard is getting tired of all this. "All you have is a drawing and a crazy idea. You don't come from another universe, Sheldon, you've just lost it!" Sheldon blinks at him.

"It would seem I've overestimated your intelligence Leonard," he says, looking confused, "you're not looking at the math."

"The _math_ is just a bunch of disjointed equations. You put them together and they don't mean anything."

"But they _do_," Sheldon insists, launching into a complex explanation. Sheldon is talking so fast Leonard can barely keep up. He drags his own board off the wall and, propping it up on the armchair, uses it to check Sheldon's calculations and do a few of his own. Sheldon starts drawing more diagrams, but quickly runs out of space on his board and starts tacking sheets of white paper to the wall around it, branching out into an increasingly complex spider web of numbers, letters, signs, pictures and arrows. By the time he's finished, Leonard has a headache. And he's laughing?

"What?" Sheldon feels the frustration rising in him.

"The beautiful mind of Sheldon cooper…made a mistake?" Leonard chuckles again.

"Where?" Sheldon looks wildly at the board. This is the only way his situation makes any sense.

"With your original transporter," Leonard says, smiling, "you got it wrong."

"That's not what's important – I'm here now."

Leonard hops up the step to go back to his room and rest his brain.

"And I still don't believe you!" He calls over his shoulder.


	3. Two

**Disclaimer: I do not own the big bang theory. In the world of emoticons, I am colon opening bracket : ( **

_Hey, so I know I haven't actually posted anything for a while. I was studying. Actually, I still am. Ugh. But now that I've sort of set the scene I'm excited to get my teeth into it. _

Two

Work is strange to say the least.

When he sits down in his office, he discovers alarming disarray. There are papers and notes scattered everywhere. Sheldon, even Sheldon Beta, could never be this disorganised, not unless he was _very _excited about something. Something like the matter transporter.

Sheldon Beta's notes are odd as well. They seem to be written in a strange kind of shorthand, and the math is just bizarre. It's going to be a task deciphering them, but what else can he do? He doesn't know his matter transporter notes by heart, and without them it could take _months_ to replicate the work.

The strangest thing about the day is when Doctor Gabelhauser pays him a visit.

"Dr Cooper!" He appears at the door, and he's _smiling_. Dr Gabelhauser has never, in Sheldon's exhaustive memory, smiled at him. The man has never even smiled in his direction.

"Dr Gabelhauser." Sheldon does not smile.

"Good to see you, very good," Dr Gabelhauser keeps smiling. It's becoming disconcerting, "so, what have you been working on?"

"I wish I knew," Sheldon glances at the walls, a frustrated frown burying itself in his features. Gabelhauser laughs.

"Yes, sometimes projects _can_ run away with you. I'm sure it'll all turn out fine." He claps Sheldon on the shoulder. "If you ever need a second opinion, my door is always open."

He leaves. Sheldon can only watch him go.

XXX

"Leonard, will you take a look at this for me?"

The experimental physicist, engineer, and astrophysicist stare at their friend. None of them have ever seen him looking so ill-at-ease. Leonard takes the sheaf of pages that Sheldon is holding out to him with one trembling hand, but doesn't look away from his friend's face.

Sheldon doesn't often appear to have strong emotions. There is the occasional jolt of fear or superficial panic, but usually, Sheldon looks unflustered and impassive.

But now. Now is different.

Because he doesn't have to mask his emotions very often, Sheldon isn't very good at it. His feelings are incredibly easy to read. Leonard can see frustration, anger, and incredulousness, all in one glance. But it's the overpowering fear, real fear, that really gets him worried.

"What's wrong, Sheldon?"

"You don't believe me." Sheldon sits down.

"You're still hung up on this alternate universe thing, huh?"

"Leonard," Sheldon snaps, "all this is far too important for me to talk to you about my _feelings_, now will you please look at this and tell me if it makes sense to you?" He taps the pages of notes and equations impatiently. Leonard looks down at them. Flips through the pages.

"This is all in your shorthand," he observes, "I can't understand it." He pushes the pages back across the table.

"So," Howard interjects, "you _really_ think you're from an alternate universe?"

"Yes," Sheldon sighs, "and if you're going to ridicule me, I would prefer that you told me now. I have more important things to be getting on with." He opens his messenger bag and carefully slides the notes inside, pressed flat against the lid of his laptop.

"Have you gone crazy?" Howard asks, putting down his fork. "Inter-dimensional travel is-,"

Raj interrupts. "I believe him."

Silence. Stares.

"It's impossible!" Howard insists.

"Then why am I unable to understand my own work?" Sheldon's voice is nearing panic level now. Leonard can almost see the facial tick preparing itself. "Leonard, how long have I been using this shorthand?"

"Uh…I don't know, a couple of weeks?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Sheldon scowls.

"Telling you."

"And I never told you _why_ I was writing like this?"

"No. In fact every time I asked, you got all weird and secretive."

There is silence for a few moments. Sheldon looks contemplative. Then he shakes his head.

"Well.I'm not working any of this out by sitting here with; let's face it, mediocre minds. I should get back to work."

"You aren't going to eat lunch?"

"I'll take something to my office. There are more pressing matters."

"Do you need any help?" Raj offers.

"Thank you, Raj," Sheldon nods in his direction, "but I think Sheldon Beta's purpose in using this, not a shorthand, but _code_, was to stop others from understanding it. If I can't understand it, I very much doubt you can."

He turns and sweeps away. Raj slumps back in his chair.

"Should I be offended right now?"

"I wouldn't take it personally," Howard shrugs, turning back to his chicken, "we're all _mediocre minds_ here anyway."

XXX

He hasn't moved in an hour. Never before has something eluded him as cannily as this. He tried to work out the shorthand the traditional way, but Sheldon Beta has been clever. When Sheldon Alpha turns his attention to the equations, he finds that they don't match up. He understands parts of them. He's sure that with some sort of context, it would all become immediately clear. But there is nothing.

With one final glance at his board, he goes out into the corridor. Staring at a wall full of incomprehensible scribblings isn't going to help him. The only thing he can think of to do now is to start replicating the matter transporter.

Leonard is working in one of the labs upstairs. The door is slightly ajar. The short man is sitting with his head propped up on one hand, batting a pencil around on top of his open notebook. Sheldon knocks.

"Are you ready to leave Leonard?"

"God yes," Leonard says, looking up, "I've hit a brick wall."

"Interesting," Sheldon muses, "so have I."

XXX

Often, it is midnight, or very early morning, that Sheldon makes breakthroughs.

That night is no exception.

"That's _it_!"

He's out of bed in an instant and crouching down in front of his wardrobe. Hardly daring to breath, he inches the doors open. Two notebooks lie, neatly stacked, on the carpet. He picks them up. Snaps on the light. Sits down on the edge of the bed.

How could he have forgotten about these? In the same place he'd hidden his matter transporter, no less. He should have known that would be important.

He opens the first notebook. Here is his context.

A…time machine?

Impossible. Unthinkable. Unbelievable.

But there it is. A statement of intent. To build a functioning time machine…and then, when he turns the page, a stack of sheets, all folded many times, fall out. He realises, upon closer inspection, that they are hastily drawn schematics, heavily laden with annotations and changes. He flips through the rest of the notebooks. Everything is here, even the key to the shorthand. He will have to check the math, of course. Look over the schematic. Figure it all out. But five months ago a matter transporter was unthinkable. And then the idea took shape.

It's going to be a long night.


	4. Three

_First appearance of Penny. I know. Exciting right? I promise everything will come together. Hopefully._

Three

"Sheldon?"

This is bizarre. Sheldon is _always _awake before Leonard. He gets up, without exception, at six-thirty every morning. He is always sitting there, in his spot, with his cereal, when Leonard wakes up. It is a constant, and it is somewhat unnerving to find that it is not the case.

He knocks on the door again, uneasily. This is Sheldon's room. People can't be in Sheldon's bedroom. But he's starting to have visions of a brutal axe murder, or suicide…

He bursts through the door. Sheldon is propped up against his bed, asleep, a notebook open in his lap and papers spread across the floor around him. The edge of what looks like a schematic is visible, protruding out of his wardrobe. Leonard picks his way through the debris, and puts two cold fingers to his friend's neck. He doesn't get as far as feeling a pulse. Sheldon jumps, his hand darting out to grab Leonard's wrist. The habitual cry of "danger!" builds in his throat, but it's only Leonard, who isn't particularly threatening. He releases his roommate's wrist.

"Hell, Sheldon!" Leonard gasps. "I thought you were dead or something!"

"You've had illogical thoughts before now, and I'm sure you will have many more, in time." Sheldon begins gathering up his papers. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven."

Sheldon's eyes widen.

"Well, I can see why you were alarmed!" He gets to his feet and hurries out into the corridor. "I think…something from the high fibre end of the shelf."

"I can't wait to try out that new, open-world PVP zone tonight," Leonard grins, following him.

"What are you talking about, Leonard?" Sheldon pulls down a box of cereal.

"It's a long weekend." Leonard shakes his head, like that explains everything. At the blank expression on his roommate's face, he adds, "You know, we always have _World of Warcraft_ marathons on long weekends?"

"No, we have _Age of Conan_ marathons on long weekends," Sheldon corrects, tipping cereal into a shallow bowl, "besides, I haven't had a chance to level my Rogue to level 85 yet."

"He's already level 85," Leonard grins, "you did it the night Cataclysm came out."

Sheldon decides not to question this anymore. It would probably be better just to, to use one of Penny's expressions, "go with it". So, when work is over that evening, he unlocks the apartment door with Howard and Raj breathing down his neck. They're both clutching their laptops under their arms, and when the door opens they immediately set them up on the coffee table.

"Where's Leonard?" Raj asks, the familiar _WoW_ start-up sound escaping from the speakers on his laptop. He hastily plugs in a headset.

"He said he had to finish something up at work," Howard tells him, "wait, who's going to get the food?"

"The Thai place isn't far away, I'll go." Sheldon picks up his jacket. "Needless to say if one of you goes, you won't get my order right."

"We're not complaining, man." Howard and Raj are both already immersed in the game.

It only takes twenty minutes before Sheldon has the food, precariously balanced, in his arms. If he's honest with himself, he's quite excited to try out the new PVP zone too, especially if his rogue really _is _level 85 now. He almost runs back to the apartment building, and when he arrives, a harassed-looking Penny is there too, in her Cheesecake Factory uniform, massaging her lower back with one hand, clutching a shopping bag in the other, and pushing the door open with her shoulder.

"Hello, Penny," he says, as pleasantly as he can whilst trying to squeeze past her into the building, "I'm afraid you will be denied my company on the stairs, I'm in something of a hurry." He turns to take the stairs at a sprint.

"Wait, Sheldon, we _really_ need to talk," Penny urges, "you know…about…the thing?"

"What thing?" Sheldon's brow furrows. "You'll have to be clearer, Penny." Penny groans.

"Just wait there." She stomps across the room and opens up her mailbox, sliding out a handful of junk leaflets and white bill envelopes. "We can talk in my apartment."

Sheldon hops from foot to foot in frustration.

"Penny, there are more pressing-,"

"Trust me, this is _very_ important."

Sheldon seriously doubts this, but he knows better than to argue with Penny. He trudges up the carpeted steps after her.

"So, how was work?" She asks, winding her free arm around her shopping bag to steady it.

"Strange," Sheldon tells her truthfully, "I'm finding my own work somewhat bamboozling."

"_You_ find something bamboozling?" Penny looks remarkably happy about this. Sheldon shakes his head – he'll never understand his neighbour. Penny unlocks her apartment door, with some difficulty.

"I would offer to help, but my own hands are somewhat full." Sheldon glances down at the bags of Thai food.

"What are you guys up to tonight?" Penny asks, going inside and dumping her shopping bag on the counter. Sheldon follows her, placing the bags of food on her coffee table.

"We're having a World of Warcraft marathon."

"Oh," Penny nods, clearly disinterested.

"Penny, what did you want to talk about?"

"Yeah, yeah sure." Penny lets out a long breath, and sits down. "I know it's been weird for a few weeks…since, you know, what happened."

"What happened?" Sheldon asks, curious.

"Yeah." Penny stares at him. "Come _on_ Sheldon, you know what I'm talking about."

"I'm afraid I don't. Are you going to continue being this cryptic? If so, I would prefer you told me now; I have a level 85 Rogue just waiting to be played."

"Oh God," Penny buries her face in her hands, "we had sex, Sheldon."

"No we didn't," Sheldon frowns, "I would never…Sheldon Beta couldn't…you must be confused, Penny."

"I'm not confused!" Penny slumps back on the couch. "Look, whether you believe it or not, it happened. The point is, _this_," she curls an arm around her flat stomach, "could be yours."

"Your…stomach?"

"The baby, Sheldon."

"Oh." Sheldon blinks. "Have you considered abortion?"

"Get _out_!"

He only has time to gather up the food before he is shoved unceremoniously out into the corridor.

"Well, this is an interesting turn of events."

XXX

"Hey, where've you been? The food will be getting cold."

Sheldon shuts the door behind him. Howard offers a hand and Sheldon hands over one of the bags of Thai food.

"Sheldon, this is Laura."

He looks over. He hadn't noticed the girl sitting on the armchair. She smiles at him.

"Hello," he nods.

"Laura works at the university," Leonard supplies, "actually, she just started. Did you bring enough food?"

"Oh, I'm sorry to be a bother," Laura bites her lip, "if you haven't, I don't mind. I ate a big lunch."

"No, I got extra for free becauseI complained so loudly about their refusal to give me extra breading," Sheldon is quite proud of this, "who's got the extension cord?"

"It's over here." Raj reaches down and picks up the cord, which already has two laptops plugged into it. Sheldon brings his own over.

"Oh, I plugged mine in over there," Laura glances over at a plug point on the wall, "that's okay?"

"Sure, you can plug in anywhere. This is a beautiful laptop, by the way." Leonard stares at it while he puts down the Thai food, now on plates. Sheldon looks over the top of his own computer. Leonard's right – Laura's laptop is wonderful, an Alienware M17x unless he's much mistaken.

"We thought we could start out with some level 85 battlegrounds, then do some raiding, and then hit the new PVP zone," Howard tells Sheldon.

"Well, let's not dilly-dally," Sheldon says, reaching for his plate, "I don't want to have to queue for the server."

XXX

Sheldon falls into bed at some point the following afternoon. The plan is to sleep for four hours, and then hit a few more battlegrounds…

However tired he might be, Sheldon finds himself unable to drift off. There's too much on his mind. First, there are the plans for what should be a functioning time machine, hidden away at the bottom of his wardrobe. A time machine…designed by an alternate version of _himself_…he can barely believe it. Second, there is Penny's staunch belief that Sheldon Beta engaged in coitus with her. And third, there is the knowledge that he is trapped in a parallel universe, with Sheldon Beta trapped in Universe Alpha, probably messing up his schedule, his routine, and his work.

Dear Lord, it's like some kind of twisted version of the wording on the _Twilight_ blurb.

Maybe a Sheldon's Log entry will help him to clear his head a little. He rolls over, snaps on the light, and reaches into the drawer of his night table. Sitting up, he opens the thick notebook.

He sits up a little straighter. His log of social interactions is _sure_ to tell him about this whole affair with Penny. It will confirm or, more likely, deny what she has told him. It will most likely contain information about the time machine. Why didn't he think of this before? He glances at the clock. It's a choice between much-needed sleep, and the truth.

He turns back to the Log.


	5. Four

**Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory = not mine**

_I know it's been a really long time since I've posted. I can only apologise and hope you keep reading. I've got exams you see...anyway, here's the new chapter! And by the way, writing the words "meanwhile in universe alpha" was awesome. That's a phrase I've always wanted to type._

Four

-_Meanwhile, in Universe Alpha_-

"Penny?" Sheldon Beta taps, rather tentatively, on Penny's door. "Penny?"

"One second!"

The sound of her voice makes something twist in the pit of his stomach. He almost turns and slinks away, but then she opens the door.

"Hey Sheldon!" Penny looks strangely happy – happier than he's seen her in recent weeks. Her blonde hair is wrapped up in a fluffy white towel.

"Hello Penny," he says, looking at his feet, "may I come in?"

"Uh, sure," she opens the door a little wider, "but I don't have a lot of time to talk."

He enters the apartment uneasily. She's acting as though nothing has happened.

"So what's on that beautiful mind of yours?" She asks with a grin, closing the door behind him.

Where to begin? He sinks on to the familiar green chair shakily.

"Something has happened, Penny," he begins, "I was just sitting in my apartment and then suddenly – it was like falling – and then I was lying in my bedroom. It's inconceivable, impossible. That was a few days ago. Since then, I have been confused by almost everything I have encountered. The work I've been doing for the past few weeks is gone, replaced by some kind of other work. But without context, it's meaningless." He runs a hand through his hair. "And _you_ are acting particularly strangely."

"Me?" Penny frowns.

"Yes."

"But this is how I always act."

"This is how you _used_ to act, before -," he stops, mid-sentence, a look of awe dawning on his face, "perhaps I have travelled backwards in time! But...no, that doesn't explain it. Surely I would then recognise my own work?"

Penny seems not to hear his voiced thoughts.

"This is how I acted before _what, _Sheldon?"

"Before..." He gestures towards her stomach.

"Sheldon," she snaps, "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Before we engaged in coitus."

He sounds so matter-of-fact that Penny forgets to breathe for a second.

"Excuse me?" She asks, slightly stupefied. She's sincerely hoping that this is one of Sheldon's weird _Bazinga_ jokes.

"You and I engaged in coitus, and you became impregnated."

Penny blinks.

"Sheldon? That didn't happen."

Sheldon stares at her. Penny stares back.

This isn't possible. Of course, nothing so far has seemed possible. Nothing makes _sense_. He cannot see a way to apply physics to this situation. He feels his chest constrict, his fingers tighten on the armrests of the green chair. To be _unable_ to apply physics? How can that – it isn't possible. He feels remarkably close to outright panic. And he flees the apartment, leaving Penny staring after him.

XXX

-_Back in Universe Beta -_

Sheldon Alpha hears a light knocking on his bedroom door.

"Sheldon?" Leonard calls quietly. "It's raid time. ICC."

Sheldon stands up on shaky legs and opens his bedroom door.

"Leonard."

"Sheldon?" Leonard raises one eyebrow.

"I slept with Penny."

There is silence. Sheldon has never professed to understand his roommate, but as the conflicting emotions pass across the shorter man's face, Sheldon realises that until now he's had a fairly good grasp on Leonard's character. Now he has no idea what he's feeling.

"You...you did what?"

"Well, technically, I didn't do anything. It was Sheldon Beta."

"Don't start with all this Sheldon Beta crap again!" Leonard snaps, feeling anger writhe. "I don't care how socially stunted you are! You know how I feel about...this!"

Sheldon recoils. He has never enjoyed conflict. It has always been intolerable to him.

Leonard stares at his roommate. In all the years he's known him, he's never done anything as terrible as this. However annoying Leonard has claimed to find him, he's always considered the tall genius one of his best friends. Yes, Sheldon has never done anything as terrible as this, but Leonard has also never seen him look as scared, as confused as this...

It doesn't matter. However afraid or confused Sheldon is, some other force seems to be controlling Leonard now. Anger bites and snarls and shakes, and where another man would punch Sheldon, Leonard, who has never punched anyone in his life, feels his legs taking him down the corridor, through the living room, and out of the front door.

The slam reverberates through Sheldon's slender frame. He shivers. He doesn't understand. Leonard once told him that friends don't sleep with each other's girlfriends. Penny is technically not Leonard's girlfriend, but something tells him that the same principle applies.

He paces into the living room. Howard, Raj, and Leonard's friend Laura are already booting up their laptops.

"What happened to Leonard?" Laura asks, brushing a strand of mouse-brown hair out of her face. "He looked kind of mad."

"I..." Sheldon pauses; he's never been a good liar. "He said...he had to...go out."

He's expecting further questions. He can almost feel the facial tick manifesting under his right eye. But no one asks. Laura slips her headset over her ears. Raj flicks at his keyboard.

"ICC?" Sheldon asks.

"Yeah," Howard nods, "we're in the queue now. We saved you a spot."

Sheldon selects DPS, thankful that at least WoW seems the same in Universe Beta.

XXX

When Howard, Raj, and Laura retire to their respective homes, Sheldon curls up in his spot and waits for Leonard. He can't say he's not concerned for his roommate – Leonard rarely stays out late, and when he does it's usually only for movie releases.

When Sheldon alpha hears the key in the lock, he pretends to be asleep. He hears Leonard stumble past him. He smells alcohol.

It's all so familiar. Sheldon remembers doing a similar thing as a child – pretending to be asleep when his father came in; accompanied by the familiar stench of ethanol...he feels his hands shaking and clenches them into fists. He wants more than anything to open his eyes and be back in his own universe, where everything is safe and known and...

When he opens his eyes, he is still in the darkened living room, listening to Leonard slam his bedroom door closed.


	6. Five

_Ok, a new chapter, and a longer one as requested. Enjoy! _

Five

On Tuesday morning, Leonard leaves without him.

It has just seemed like a normal morning to Sheldon, albeit quieter than usual. They ate breakfast in stony silence. And then Sheldon had gone back to his bedroom to get his jacket, and the next thing he hears is the door closing, and by the time he's sprinted down the stairs Leonard's car has already disappeared around the corner.

Sheldon stands there, just outside the apartment building door, staring. At times like this – deviations from the routine – he can never quite work out what to do with himself. He goes back inside and climbs the stairs numbly, arms hanging limply at his sides. Well, the bus is hardly an option. That only leaves one choice...

Sheldon stands outside Penny's door, hesitating between knocking or staying home. He remembers how angry Penny seemed to be with him a few nights ago, and how angry Leonard is with him, and although neither of these things on their own particularly bother him, they do pose problems with his day-to-day routine. He hovers outside Penny's door for several minutes before his mind is made up for him. Without warning, the door opens and Penny stands there, in denim shorts and a yellow t-shirt.

For some reason, the sight of her elicits a strange reaction in Sheldon. He feels a mixture of nausea and stage fright. Her eyes widen. He wonders if she's feeling the same way, but brushes the thought away.

"Sheldon? What are you doing just _standing _there?"

"I was wondering if I might make a request."

"Sheldon, I swear to God, if you ask me to get an abortion, I'll-,"

"No, no," he says quickly, remembering the irrational anger, "I want you to drive me to work."

"What happened to Leonard?" Penny looks vaguely concerned. Why does that make something ugly writhe within Sheldon? "Is he sick?"

"No...he seems to be somewhat upset with me."

"Oh," Penny shoots him a knowing look, "so you told him, huh?"

XXX

"Sheldon," Penny begins, when he's shut the door and put on his seatbelt, "do you really not remember anything about...that night?"

"No," Sheldon says, looking out of the window, "those are Sheldon Beta's memories. Although I have learned about it through what Sheldon Beta wrote in his log."

"So you...you _really _think you're from an alternate universe?" She starts up the car.

"I'm almost certain of it," Sheldon says adamantly, "and if not, then I'm certainly not from here."

"So," she gives him a sidelong glance, "what did you...think of...what you read?"

Sheldon looks at his feet, suddenly feeling even more strange.

"It was interesting," he says carefully, "I would never have believed myself – even though Sheldon Beta is not technically _myself_ – capable of...such things."

"Well, Sheldon Beta seemed to enjoy it."

Sheldon looks at her. She's half-smiling.

"Yes," Sheldon feels so _odd_, "he did write that."

"Did he now?"

Sheldon wonders if he's getting sick. He has a veritable pharmacy in his desk drawer, he'll self-diagnose when he gets to work.

"Sheldon?"

"Yes?"

"How mad was Leonard?" Penny chews her lip. "When you told him?"

"He seemed angry," Sheldon muses, rearranging the contents of his messenger bag absently, "he stormed out, and I'm told that's usually a sign of extreme anger or despair."

"Yeah, usually."

"But...he came home drunk, which was remarkable. I've found, over the years I've lived with Leonard, that he only drinks in the company of others who are drinking. Usually Howard."

"That's weird," Penny frowns, "well...even if I did sleep with some other Sheldon and not you, I just wanted to...I'm not sorry it happened, is all." She nods, seemingly to herself. "Well, I'm kind of sorry about _this_." She looks down at her stomach, her brows knitting together.

Sheldon has all but forgotten about the child. He presumes he'll have found a way to get back to Universe Alpha by the time of its birth, but does wonder what his thoughts were be if he were in Sheldon Beta's metaphorical shoes. Granted, the child could have something of his genius, but - he glances over at Penny, who is chewing gum – with Penny for a mother, the child's life would most probably amount to nothing.

There's another pang in Sheldon's stomach. The same kind he gets when his own team kills him in video games. _Betrayal_, his mind informs him. But that doesn't make sense at all. No, he'll chalk it up to the mysterious illness.

XXX

Now that he has the key to the shorthand, and the context of "time machine", Sheldon Beta's work is looking slightly more meaningful. However, Sheldon does wonder if he should spend his time decoding it when he _could_ be working to build another (equally as faulty, preferably) matter transporter. Of course, he has no idea if it will take him back to his own universe. It might transport him to another universe entirely.

But..._oh_. Time machine.

The thought is intoxicating to him. The ramifications would be extraordinary. He would be famous, not just within the scientific community, but remembered by humanity for a long time to come. And a Nobel Prize would be a certainty.

Of course, Sheldon Beta will be working with the matter transporter. Sheldon knows himself; even the alternate version of himself will be unable to deny his curiosity for long. It will only be a matter of time before he tests it, and when he does, they should swap places again and Sheldon will be back in Universe Alpha, in his well-loved rut.

So, really, there's nothing to stop him from doing a little work on the time machine...

But as the hours pass, Sheldon finds himself becoming more and more distracted. Restless. However intriguing the time machine is, something is plaguing him. He feels the need to get up and pace...or run, or _something_. But he's never been the athletic type, and he values his dignity.

The most annoying part is that he doesn't know what it is that's distracting him. He just doesn't seem able to focus on anything. He wonders if it's his mysterious ailment again, and starts writing a list of his symptoms, but he loses focus on that too.

Now, he decides, is a very good time for lunch.

When he reaches the cafeteria, he realises how little appetite he has. He reminds himself of the laws of nutrition (the real ones, not the gibberish the "scientists" spout on daytime TV) and dutifully takes a bowl of soup and a tuna sandwich. He sits down with Howard, Raj and Leonard. The moment Leonard sees him, he pushes his chair back with such force he hits the person behind him, and stalks off to sit with Laura, the physicist with mouse-brown hair.

"How curious," Sheldon muses, "I had assumed he would have forgotten this ridiculous spat by now."

"What spat?"Raj asks, pushing pasta around his plate vacantly.

"It's about Penny."

"It's _always _about Penny," Howard says, accurately.

"We engaged in coitus."

Raj chokes on his pasta. Howard looks dangerously pale.

"Are you feeling alright, Howard?" Sheldon asks, unconcerned.

"Wait, I'm confused," Raj shakes his head, "did you have sex with Penny or Leonard?"

Howard nudges him, a tad harder than necessary.

"Penny, obviously," he hisses, "wait, it was Penny, right?"

"Yes," Sheldon sighs, "it was Penny. Interestingly, when it comes to females, I've observed that humans act very much more like apes than they usually do. You see, the alpha male-,"

"Sheldon, I swear, you can talk about apes all you want later, but right now will you please just tell us what you did to make Penny want to sleep with you?" Howard looks almost vicious. At the moment, he reminds Sheldon even more of an ape.

Sheldon sighs.

"Don't you have better things to occupy your mind with than-,"

"No. No we don't." Howard leans across the table, knitting his fingers together.

Sheldon tells them.

XXX

- _Meanwhile, in Universe Alpha-_

Sheldon Beta has the apartment to himself tonight. He's got Thai food, and the new series of Doctor Who is waiting for him. But when he reaches the top of the stairs, Penny is wrestling with her apartment door.

"Sheldon, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Is it going to take very long?" Sheldon sighs, his hand poised on the door handle.

"No, I promise."

He nods his assent, and follows her into her apartment. She shuts the door quietly behind him.

"Well, I was just wondering..." she sits down on her couch. Sheldon balances the paper bag of Thai food on his knees.

"I hate to rush you Penny, but-,"

"How did you make...alternate me...you know...?"

"Engage in coitus?" Sheldon offers. Penny nods, looking at her feet.

"Well, it was a Thursday, and I had the apartment to myself. I was settling down to watch _Star Wars: A New Hope _with director commentary when I realised I had no herbal tea. So I came round to borrow some."

"Oh." Penny thinks she can see where this is going.

"You looked either sad or nauseated. You asked me some rhetorical questions. Then you asked me to engage in coitus. You were quite persistent."

"Oh God," Penny buries her face in her hands, "I'm so _sorry_ Sheldon."

"No, no," Sheldon waves his hands dismissively, "the thing which I treasure most is knowledge. I think the experience gifted me with a little more."

"Uh..." Penny nods, "ok."

They are both silent for a moment.

"Did you want to try it again?" The words are out before Penny can stop them. She doesn't know where they came from. She knows that she is not even _slightly_ attracted to Sheldon. She's about to apologise, retract her offer, but Sheldon deals with it effectively enough.

"Thank you for the offer Penny, but the new series of Doctor Who starts tonight in..." he glances at his watch, "oh dear Lord, three minutes ago. Goodbye, Penny!"

As he all but sprints through the apartment door, Penny is left wondering what she could have been thinking, and why she feels mildly insulted.


	7. Interlude

_Just wanted to say, I live in Scotland and have therefore not seen any of the episodes from the new series. Also this chapter isn't really a chapter at all. I was just wondering what Penny thought of it all, so...here you go. _

Interlude

At first, Penny's surprised when Leonard doesn't come into the Cheesecake Factory with the other guys. But it makes sense, really; Leonard's not one to forgive-and-forget, especially where women are concerned. It's actually kind of a relief. At least now she doesn't have to awkwardly stand there while he orders, both of them avoiding eye contact, neither of them mentioning...it.

She doesn't go over to them straight away, instead choosing to hover by the kitchen door. She's not exactly sure how she's supposed to act around him now. At least before, she knew where she stood. She felt kind of bad about it, actually. Not so much sorry it happened, but sorry about all the stuff that she knew, afterwards, would come with it. Leonard would be mad (it might wreck his friendship with Sheldon altogether), she might have broken Sheldon, and...her hand goes to her stomach, presses a bit harder than she needs to.

And now he's gone and got it into his head that he's from another universe. Hell, maybe he is. Maybe the tall man she's staring at from across the restaurant is actually not the same one who's lived across the hall for three years. And that's when all the confusion goes into overdrive, because...well, what's she supposed to say to him? She doesn't even know how she feels about him. She doesn't know what she wants.

He looks up and sees her looking, and raises an eyebrow, shaking his menu at him. Why does he even need to look at the menu? He already knows what he wants. Indeed, Penny already has his order jotted down in her order book. But Howard and Raj like to mix things up occasionally, so she's going to have to go over there. Eventually.

What is it about Sheldon? God. He's just a skinny nerd, he doesn't _get_ human interaction, and kissing him was like extracting blood from stone. So...why is it, every time she looks at him, she gets that weird fluttery feeling? She's only had it once or twice before. She used to get it when she looked at Kurt. She never got it with Leonard.

Ok, this is ridiculous. She and Sheldon...it had only happened because she'd been drunk and vulnerable, and she'd just needed to feel like someone cared about her. And what did Sheldon know about "taking advantage"? She'd just asked him...and he had...

He looks up, catches her eye again. Shoots her a questioning look. She turns away and pinches the skin on her wrist. Hard.

XXX

Its halo night, and Penny is in the middle of putting her hair up in preparation. She doesn't like it to get in her face when she plays. It obstructs her view, and she can't have that while she's trying to blow Sheldon to pieces. There's a soft knocking on her apartment door. It's Leonard.

"Hey Leonard," she meets his gaze, because she's got nothing to be ashamed of.

"Can I come in for a second?"

"Its Halo night," Penny raises an eyebrow, "I'm coming over anyway."

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to Halo night tonight, Penny."

"Why not?"

"You know why not!" Leonard walks straight past her, right into her apartment. "Just...just tell me why, ok? You know what it's like trying to talk to him. I can't get any straight answers."

"Why do you want _answers_?" Penny can feel herself getting annoyed. "This isn't any of your business."

"You're my ex-girlfriend, and he's my best friend!" Leonard sort of has a point, and he knows it. "Friends don't _do_ that!"

"Oh come on, Leonard! It's Sheldon, he doesn't know the rules!" Penny's voice is getting louder. "If you're gonna be mad, be mad with me! I talked him into it!" She's almost shouting now. "It was my idea. I was sad and stupid, and you don't think I regret it enough?" Oh shit. Tears. She can feel them coming, threatening to spill over. Pent up emotion taking its toll.

Leonard is standing in the middle of her living room, fidgeting and looking nervous, but still somehow angry and self-righteous, and it's that expression on his face and everything that's been building up inside her that makes her do it.

She punches him. Full in the face.

Oh. Whoops. She backs away, hand over her mouth, unable to quite believe what she's just done. A long time ago, her dad taught her to throw a punch. She's never had cause to test it, but apparently he's done a good job since Leonard is now bleeding all over her rug.

"I'm-,"

He's pushing past her already, out of the door, down the stairs. She watches him go, biting her lip. It was the wrong thing to do. It kind of felt good.


	8. Six

**Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory = not mine.**

_Hey all! Um. Yeah. I've been gone a good while. I'm sorry. I was busy and then I'd been away too long...but people are still reading this and adding it to their favourites and putting alerts on it and stuff, which is really nice! Thank you a ton! Anyway, I've been gone long enough that I don't even recognise half the author names in the big bang theory section. So I have some catching up to do! _

Chapter Six

_Universe Alpha_

"It's eight on a Friday night, Laura! You should be out doing something. You're pretty enough. You should go out on a date or something."

Laura isn't really listening to her mother's tirade – she says the same thing in all their weekly Skype calls. She's covertly making notes in her work notebook. Her project right now is really quite exciting. If only she could talk to her mother about _that_, rather than her lack of boyfriend.

_Knock knock._ Oh dear. Well now she's going to have to hang up on her mother. What a shame.

"Mom, someone's at the door, I have to go."

"Is it a man? Is there someone you haven't told me about?"

Laura doesn't need to look at the screen; she can hear her mother's hopeful smile.

"I don't know who it is. I need to go." She hits the "end call" button. Takes a deep breath**.**She takes a cautious look through the peephole. Leonard is standing there, face bloodied, looking a little unsteadily. She takes the chain off quickly, pulls the door open.

"Leonard, what _happened_?"

"Got in a bit of a fight," he tries to grin nonchalantly. It's a lie. It's not really a fight if only one side is hitting. What happened was really more of an attack.

"Why? Where? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Lie. "Can I use your bathroom? I need to…" he gestures at his face. "Clean up a little."

"Yeah, sure. Of course." She points the way. When he's gone, she sinks onto the couch. Well, this is an interesting development. Leonard isn't the kind of guy to get into a fight, but more pressingly, why did he come here? Why didn't he go home? Is he looking for comfort? From her? She bites her lip. Smiles a little. Maybe he _does_ like her. She'd been starting to think he was leading her on, what with all that talk about his ex-girlfriend. But maybe…_maybe_…

Leonard reappears, face now clean of blood. He joins her on the couch, leaning back. He looks tired. He looks _really_tired.

"God, my head is pounding." He squeezes his eyes closed, as if the light is painful.

"Did you get hurt in the fight? Maybe you should go to the emergency room-,"

"No, it's just a hangover."

"Oh." She hadn't taken him for the drinking type either. "So what was the fight about?"

"It was an argument with Howard, is all." Lies, again. "It got heated."

"Howard did that to you?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. Guess I didn't know him that well, huh?"

"Howard's got more of a temper than people realise." What is it about lying? Why is it addictive?

Laura moves a little closer to him on the couch.

"Can I do anything to make you feel better?" Her fingers tracing circles on his arm. He is oblivious.

"I'm glad I met you, Laura." He gives her a small smile.

"I'm glad we met too." Her tone is becoming impatient. "But are you sure I can't do anything to, you know, comfort you?"

He looks at her a little more closely. It clicks. He gets it.

"Are…are you offering to have sex with me?"

She doesn't like it phrased like that. She's _not_a slut. She's only been with two different guys, and those were both pretty serious relationships. But…there's something about Leonard. A kind of geeky charm. He's a _nice_ guy. And she's a physicist, smart and not that pretty, despite what her mother might say, but he likes her. It's not very often that a guy shows that much interest in her. It's exciting…she feels like being impulsive.

"Yeah, I am."

He looks astounded, but delighted.

"Ok," he squeaks.

She stands up, holds out one long-fingered hand: an invitation. He takes it.

Her bedroom is coated in posters. Vintage sci-fi movies, superheroes, musicians. There is an entire wall devoted to Pokemon. _She is my perfect woman_, Leonard thinks. Then Penny's care bear collection drifts into his mind...then Penny herself, blonde hair tied up and laughing…then Sheldon, smiling all smug and self-satisfied. _No._ Leonard closes his eyes, forces himself to think of the here, and the now. Laura's hands gently pulling him onto the bed. Her lips on his. Her warm, slim hips under his hands.

"Penny…"

Her lips are gone. Her warm body is gone, sliding away from him, and he feels the sudden coolness of the air.

"_What_ did you just say?"

"Oh God." He covers his face with his hands. "I am so sorry, Laura. It's not…I have a lot on my mind…"

"We were about to have sex and you said your _ex-girlfriend_'s name?" She is standing up, pulling her t-shirt back on over her head.

"No, listen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-,"

"Don't, just…just get out, please." She opens her bedroom door, stands beside it while he pulls his shoes on, and follows him out into the living room. She doesn't say a word. Neither does he.

The moment the front door closes, she is sitting on the floor, back pressed against the wall and her face pressed into her knees. How could she have been so stupid? What was she thinking? _Nice guy_. Hell. No no no no no.


	9. Seven

**Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory = not mine.**

_Hey! So we're back to Sheldon and Penny in Universe Beta. I'm sorry if this is getting confusing. When I came back to this fanfiction I sat down and split a page into two columns and labelled one "universe Alpha" and one "universe Beta" and wrote down everything I knew about each and the plans I had for each, and where I want this story to end (it won't be for a while) and now I'm working from that. _

_Thank you so much to the people who left such lovely reviews. I won't beg for reviews but it is very nice to get them. ANYWAY. On with the story. _

Chapter Seven

_Universe Beta_

Sheldon's signature knock rouses Penny from her coma-like state. She waits for him to finish the final "Penny" before calling to him to enter; she doesn't want to spook him. But when Sheldon opens the door, arms full of Xbox, the sight which meets him _does_ spook him. He's never been good with any social situation, never mind crying women. Still, all it takes is the memory of the auditory assault that awaits in his apartment to convince him to stay.

He steps over the threshold. Penny is lying across her couch, head on the armrest, in the cosy, conservative pyjamas she wears when she's sick. The coffee table is cluttered with empty cans of Diet Coke and Red Bull, and the waste paper basket she's moved over from the window is overflowing with tissues. These things Sheldon notices. He does not notice how her eyes are red-rimmed, how her face is puffy and free of makeup, how her hair is greasy and untidy, because these things are inconsequential to him.

"I am in need of your television," he brandishes the Xbox, "I'm afraid Leonard has rendered our apartment uninhabitable. Again."

"What is he playing tonight?" There are still tears on her cheeks, but there is also a small smile.

"Alanis Morissette." Sheldon sighs and crouches down in front of the TV. Starts hooking up the Xbox. "I believe social protocol requires me to ask if you are alright."

"I'm ok." The words are a whisper. "I'll be ok."

Sheldon remembers something his mother said to him when he was a child. _Shelly, if a girl ever tells you she's ok, she is lying._ Is Penny lying? He glances over at her. She does look sad. Maybe she's weeping for the future of humanity. Maybe someone in her family has died.

"You look sad."

She glances at him.

"I'm not sad, Sheldon." She fixes her eyes on the ceiling. "I'm scared. I am so fucking scared."

Sheldon processes. His long fingers locate the sound jack, and he twists the cable between his hands.

"Pasadena _does_ have one of the highest crime rates in the state, but this area is relatively safe." He finishes connecting the Xbox and switches it on. "And there are no cosmic storms, solar flares or city-shattering meteors predicted in the near future." He moves gingerly onto the armchair, controller in hand. "So you really have no reason to be afraid, Penny."

She looks at him silently.

"I'm scared about the baby Sheldon."

He looks back at her, brows furrowing.

"_Your_ baby? Penny, newborn children are unable to support their own heads, let alone harm a fully-grown adult. I'm sure you have nothing to fear from the infant."

"God Sheldon!" She stands up. Paces. "I'm scared about this whole...this whole childbirth thing! And then I don't know anything about raising a kid, especially a freaky genius kid like this one'll probably be. And money - what will I do? I'm a waitress! I might have to...I might have to move back to Nebraska and..." she sits down again and buries her face in her hands. Her shoulders shake with suppressed sobs. "I can't even drink because of the damn _baby_! All I can have is freaking Diet Coke!" She leans back, closing her eyes. "I didn't want this. I didn't want any of it."

Sheldon doesn't know what to do. Penny is obviously in distress. He puts the Xbox controller down and moves over to sit beside her on the couch. He raises his hand, pauses, almost thinks better of it, and pats her shoulder awkwardly.

"There there."

A moment passes. Then the unthinkable. Penny laughs.

She's crying and laughing at the same time, and Sheldon doesn't understand it at all. The tears are fresh in her eyes but she's smiling and giggling, and as his expression becomes more and more astounded, the more she laughs.

"You are _so_ useless, Sheldon." Sheldon wonders if he should be offended, or if she's kidding as she continues to snort with laughter. "_There there_? That's seriously the best you can do? Ah, but I guess you actually did sort of manage to cheer me up. Just a little."

Sheldon still can't work out this sudden shift in her demeanour. It would probably be better just to accept it.

"I'm glad to have been of assistance. Now if you'll excuse me, Portal 2 awaits." He gestures towards the Xbox and begins to stand.

"Wait, Sheldon." Her hand on his arm. Pulling him back. "Wait."

He sighs and sits down again, a tad reluctantly.

"I just..." She looks at her bare toes. The pink nail polish is chipped. "I just want to know if you're going to help me. I mean...it's your kid too. I don't know. Do you want to be...involved?"

Sheldon thinks he understands what she means, but...

"It's not really _my_ child, Penny. It's Sheldon Beta's child."

She sinks back a little farther into the couch. Is that disappointment?

"But, I believe," he sucks his teeth, "if I were in Sheldon Beta's shoes I should like to be somewhat involved in the child's life. Perhaps at a later stage." He looks thoughtful as he speaks. "There is a chance the child has inherited some of my intelligence, and if that is true, I would be inclined to nurture it. The child might even be as remarkable as myself."

"Yeah, _remarkable_. That's one word you might use." Penny is smiling. The tears have stopped.

They sit in silence for a moment. Sheldon looks longingly at the Xbox.

"Hey, Sheldon?"

"Yes?"

"Your mother...she's a pretty devout Christian, right? So what does she think of all," she swallows, "this?"

Sheldon considers. He doesn't know if Sheldon Beta called his mother, or meemaw. It wasn't mentioned in the log. But he thinks he can imagine his mother's reaction.

"My mother is a Christian, but judging by the amount of time she spends talking about grandchildren..." Sheldon sighs and shakes his head. "I don't imagine she will mind."

Penny folds her arms over her stomach.

"Ok."

"Penny, can I play Xbo-,"

He is interrupted. Because she kisses him.

Then she pulls away.

Yet another situation Sheldon doesn't know how to deal with. He flounders.

"It's ok, Sheldon. I just...wanted to. You can play your Xbox now."

"Good," Sheldon is smiling like a twelve-year-old on Christmas day, "the original Portal really was something of a masterpiece, so I am rather excited to play its sequel. Perhaps when I finish, you can join me in the co-op mode. You know, Valve really is..."

He keeps talking, she stops listening. She vaguely watches him as fingers twitch on the Xbox controller. He is a socially-awkward physicist and she is an actress whose future is falling to pieces. This is hardly _Romeo and Juliet_.

But she is happy. Kind of. And if she isn't now, then she will be.


	10. Eight

_Hey look! A new chapter!_

_So I know this must be starting to get a little confusing, so behold! A recap!_

_Universe Alpha: Penny is not pregnant, but she knows about her alternate situation, and she's confused about her feelings for Sheldon. Sheldon Beta is confused about everything. Leonard, as always, is clueless._

_Universe Beta: Leonard is angry with Penny, he's angry with Sheldon, and he's messed things up with Laura, so he's really just a bit useless. Sheldon Alpha has the time machine work and a pregnant Penny to deal with._

Eight

_-Universe Beta-_

Penny wakes up about noon with a headache. It is a Saturday, there is a little over a week until Christmas, she hasn't bought any gifts, and all she can think about is Sheldon Cooper.

Damn that giant praying mantis of a man! Ever since she met him it's been problem after problem (she has no idea he's been saying the same about her) and granted, nothing quite on _this _scale, but still. Still.

She rolls out of bed and into a hot shower, and by the time she stands in her kitchen, feeling refreshed and wearing her comfiest jeans and a big t-shirt, the puffiness left by last night's tears is gone. The knot in her stomach though, the one that's been there since she kissed Sheldon…yeah, that's still there.

She pours cereal into a bowl and reaches into the fridge and _damn it_, no milk. She's about to go over to 4A to scrounge, but that would mean seeing Sheldon. And Leonard. Leonard, who is petty and possessive beyond belief. Leonard, who she dated. She cringes at the memory now.

Penny carefully transfers the cereal from the bowl back into the box, and turns instead to her toaster. Once she's done eating, she calls Bernadette and proposes a girl's day, complete with a trip to the mall and maybe some fluffy movie afterwards.

"That would be great actually," her friend sings down the line, "I still have so much Christmas shopping to do."

By three o'clock, after Penny has bought gifts for her parents, her sisters, her nephew and what seems like everyone else in Nebraska, the subject of Sheldon makes its inevitable appearance.

"I can't believe you kissed him." Bernadette blows delicately on her steaming mug of coffee. The two blondes sit in the corner of a busy Starbucks. The guy at the counter, who can't be any older than eighteen, keeps looking at them. "Does Leonard know?"

"No, but I don't really think it would be possible for him to be any angrier. You know…considering." She casts an involuntary glance at her stomach. She's not showing yet but she knows she will be soon.

"Are you worried?"

Penny knows what she's talking about.

"Yeah," a sigh, "I'm terrified. But I'm just trying not to think about- oh God, I haven't bought anything for Sheldon!" How could she have forgotten? She's thought of nothing but him all day. Somehow, the words _Sheldon_ and _Christmas_ just aren't connected in her mind. Maybe_ Saturnalia_.

"I don't have anything for Howard yet either." Bernadette slumps bag, stirring the coffee absently. "I just don't know what he would want."

"It'll be fine, we'll go to the comic book store later," Penny chews her lip, "I know the guy who works there. He'll help us out."

She hopes Stewart _can_ help them out. With only Bernadette next to her, the comic book store seems strangely ominous. She's very aware of how conspicuous they seem, two pretty blondes and not a superhero tee in sight. She hadn't realised, all the other times she'd been here, how much the guys were her guides, her protectors.

She takes a deep breath and steps inside, Bernadette following. The familiar scent of paper and collectables greets them. The place is busier than usual, but Penny doesn't recognise any of the faces except that of Captain Sweatpants. The Saturday crowd must be different to the New Comic Book Day crowd.

"Penny!" Stewart raises a hand from the counter. The customers look on with envy as the only genuine girls in the store make a beeline for the proprietor.

"Hey Stewart, how are you?"

"I'm doing fine, you know," he finishes slicing open the cardboard box, filled with new comic books from Dark Horse, "Reading comic books. Felicia Day tweeted me."

"Really?" Penny hopes she sounds interested. And that she knows who Felicia Day is.

"Yeah…she told me to stop drawing fan art of her…"

Penny decides to disregard this.

"I'm looking for a Christmas present for Sheldon."

"And Howard," Bernadette adds, with a shy smile.

"Alright," Stewart finishes taking the new comic books out of the box and slides them to one side, "for Howard you might consider the new Batman belt buckle," he gestures towards the rotating rack by the door and Bernadette goes over to take a closer look, "for Sheldon…" Stewart leads Penny across the store to the graphic novels section. A couple of teenage boys move aside so he can reach up to one of the higher shelves. He pulls down a slim volume with a parchment-coloured cover. Penny takes it.

"The Sandman?"

"Yeah, I've been trying to get Sheldon to read it for years," Stewart smiles, "I think you have more sway with him."

Penny looks again at the cover. It is volume one – _Preludes and Nocturnes_. The author's name-

"Hey, isn't this the same guy who wrote _Coraline_?"

"That's him."

"Ok, I'll take it."

"Great." While Stewart rings up her purchase, Penny is approached by a short, skinny guy in a Doctor Who shirt.

"The Sandman, huh? Nice choice." He's focusing almost solely on her breasts while he talks.

"Aw, really?" Penny plays it coy. "I'm buying it for the guy whose baby I'm carrying."

The guy goes white.

"That's…uh…that's great."

"Isn't it?"

"Twenty dollars," Stewart interrupts.

"Well, it's been a pleasure talking to you," Penny smiles sweetly as she gives the money to Stewart.

"Yeah…" the guy mumbles awkwardly as he sidles away.

Bernadette reappears with Howard's belt buckle, and Stewart says something funny and as Penny leaves the store laughing, she realises she can no longer remember what he said. But it feels good to laugh, so she does.


	11. Nine

**Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory = not mine.**

_Happy new year all! And behold: how I spent my Hogmanay. This, volume two of The Sandman, a Cold War Kids album, and Haribo. A wild party indeed. _

Nine

___-meanwhile, in universe Alpha-_

Penny hadn't heard of Florence and the Machine until her cousin Kitty moved to England and sent back a CD. Alright, it's technically a Christmas present, but it had looked all shiny and pretty under Penny's spindly, slightly sad-looking Christmas tree and she hadn't been able to help herself. Now the music is playing while she carefully teases her hair into a kind of afro-like..._thing_. It was originally meant to be one of those big, 80s-style perms, but it's just turned into a puffy, candyfloss-y mess. She doesn't even feel like going out tonight. _Ugh_. She drops the comb wearily, and slumps back onto her couch.

_Too much on my mind, is the problem._

Ever since Sheldon told her about their...alternate situation, she hasn't been able to stop thinking about it. She hasn't dated anyone. Hasn't been able to speak to Leonard normally, even though she has no reason at all to feel awkward. She just keeps thinking about Sheldon and...oh God, it should disgust her (after all, he does look like a giant praying mantis) but it just doesn't. There's no rational explanation for it.

The phone rings. She turns down the music before she answers it.

"Hello?"

"Penny!"

"Mom?"

"I'm just calling to see if you're bringing a friend to Christmas dinner. I'm about to start cooking and I just thought I'd better check."

"It's the nineteenth of December, and you're about to start _cooking_? Isn't it a bit early for that?"

"Not with thirty-seven people coming to dinner, sweetie." Penny's mother chuckles good-naturedly. "So, are we making it thirty-eight?"

"Um, I can't think of anyone."

"Not Leonard?"

"Mom, Leonard and I haven't been together since last year."

"I know, but I just thought..." A sigh. "Alright. What about that Sheldon boy?"

"Sheldon?" She tries a laugh. It comes out as more of a nervous squeal. "Mom, it would take five minutes before three quarters of our family had tried to shoot him."

"Ah, we could give them a talking to beforehand."

"No Mom. He's spending Christmas with his family in Texas." It's a guess, but a feasible one.

"Oh. Ok. Well I'll see you in a few days."

"Yeah Mom. Bye."

XXX

"I don't know what to tell you buddy." Howard straightens up and arches his back, stretching. "It just looks like another one of your crackpot inventions."

Sheldon appears not to have heard him. He taps his bottom lip with a finger as he considers the spherical object.

"It's got something to do with the universe switch." He turns it over in his hands. "Some kind of...interdimensional transporter? I don't understand what use Sheldon Alpha would have for such a device."

"Jeez, I don't know." Howard runs a hand through his hair apologetically. "You're always talking about science for the sake of science."

Sheldon chews his lip.

"Doesn't feel like one of those things." The words are quiet, more to himself than to Howard.

"Why do you want to get back to your universe anyway?" Howard sits down on the couch and leans back. "If everything is exactly the same, then what are you missing?"

Sheldon is quiet for a moment. He almost, _almost_, mentions the child. But really...isn't that something he'd be better off avoiding? Something better left well alone? Here he can focus on his work. And...and here, Leonard isn't angry with him, and Penny won't have to move back to Nebraska...

But. But...

Penny Alpha isn't _his_ Penny.

It's a pointless thought, stupid, unreasoned. It's not the way Sheldon's beautiful mind works. People don't factor in – there is only his work, his routine, and his occasional geeky pleasures. But Penny is a factor now, in his decision making and in his life. He is..._fond_ of her.

"It...isn't right for me to be here," is the answer he finally, tentatively gives.

Howard sighs, rolls his eyes.

"You wouldn't want to mess up the space-time continuum." He reaches for the sphere. "May I...?"

Sheldon hands it over. The engineer turns it, his fingers tracing the join where the two half-spheres connect, the bump in the metal where the hinge is. The rough-looking USB port, just below where the hinge has been welded onto the main body.

"Alright, so we've basically got two options," he sighs, "we can plug this thing into your laptop and see what happens, or we try and figure out how to get into it, because it's obviously meant to open."

"I've tried to open it before," Sheldon snaps, "that was the first thing I did."

"Ah, but have you tried to open it my way?" Howard pulls a crowbar from his toolbox.

"Why do you have a crowbar in your toolbox? Have you been stealing cars? Perhaps assaulting frail, elderly women?" Sheldon is getting snide. It's a sign of his annoyance. Howard only smiles.

"You never know when one can come in handy, Sheldon. Like today."

He has Sheldon hold the bottom half of the sphere while he pulls at the top half. Despite his appearance, the taller man is surprisingly strong and in a matter of minutes the two have persuaded the device to reveal its secrets.

The top half gives very suddenly, with a crack that almost tears the hinge off, and then it is lying, still and open, on the apartment floor. Engineer and physicist edge towards it.

"Is that an _orange_?"


End file.
